Mine
by JustJinxed
Summary: Rey places herself in exile as she tries to come to an agreement with her...whatever he is.


**Mine**

He always came to her at night.

She hadn't asked him why, there was no way that he should have known when she was about to go to sleep. Or when she was alone, for that matter. Though Snoke was dead, their connection remained firm. She wondered if she should tell her allies about the connection when she first rejoined them, and almost didn't, before the guilt overwhelmed her. He was still the enemy, possibly an even bigger threat now than he was before.

Right?

That's what she told herself. At first her crew began plotting ways she could find out where Ben was, using this bridge. Rey quickly squashed that idea. She couldn't see where he was if he didn't let her, and that went both ways. She thought. Eventually, though, everyone agreed that she could be too big of a risk to be too involved with planning their next attacks – the way to take down Kylo Ren once and for all. Normally that idea would frustrate Rey so much that she would kick and scream until they let her have her way, or she would find a way around it and get into trouble herself. This time, though, she reluctantly agreed.

She chastised herself daily for the thoughts circling in her head, and the feelings she held in her heart. Outwardly, she admitted to her comrades that Ben was dangerous, and needed to be stopped, but she wasn't so sure that killing him was the solution. She stood behind the notion that his heart could be changed, there was still such conflict. She did not, however, share her own conflict. It was to be expected, with all that Rey had gone through, that she would be a little bit...different. Two of her heroes (and father figures, however briefly) had just died, and she came to realize what she knew all along...her parents had thrown her away. Sold her, in fact. All so they could get a few more drinks.

All this time, she had held onto the hope that she _belonged_ somewhere. That they would come back for her, and that she would feel like she was _home_. She was starting to wonder if that feeling truly existed in all the galaxies. Surely it had to...but after all she had seen, worlds being ripped apart, how could she believe that was in the cards for her? It certainly wasn't now, at least not the way she imagined it. Maybe she was never destined for it. Maybe she was destined to fight and grow old, like the Jedi before her. _Was_ she a Jedi now? She wasn't even sure who made that call.

Rey set down her cup of water and pushed her untouched plate of food away. She rubbed her brow and barely reacted when Chewie growled at her. She hadn't been eating well lately, and it would show in her training soon enough.

"He's right, I think..." The curly haired pilot spoke from the opposite corner of the room, eyeing her with almost concealed concern. "You're lookin' a little thinner than the last time I saw you." Rey forced a small attempt at a reassuring smile.

"I don't have much of an appetite these days." When the concern in his eyes grew, she made more of an effort to smile. "I'll be fine, Poe. I've just...got a lot on my mind." A moment passed until Poe nodded, understanding what she meant. (At least, a little of what she meant)

"Anything I can help with?" He offered, and she so badly wanted to return the burn in his eyes.

"Thank you for the offer." She smiled, a real smile this time, and walked over to squeeze his shoulder. She did not anticipate him moving his rough, warm hand to her's, keeping it there.

"I'm serious, Rey." He said, his kind eyes burning into her's. "I'm worried about you out here. We all are." She let that sink in, and realized she needed to get a little better about hiding her turmoil.

"I will be fine, Poe." She felt a tingling of rage, that did not belong to her, burn in her chest and she removed her hand from the pilot's shoulder. "It was truly good to see you. Thank you for stopping by." She smiled again. "And be careful. Wherever you're going." She moved to leave the room, and Poe quickly stood, grabbing her hand in a careful, but firm grip.

"I'm serious, Rey." She turned slowly, realizing that he was much closer to her than polite conversation called for. "Tell me you'll start taking better care of yourself. I won't be able to concentrate if all I can think about is you wasting away out here." That same anger ignited in her chest, more intense this time and she knew she had to get out of there.

"Poe." She squeezed his hand with her free one, then removed his. She started to protest again, but realized she wasn't fooling anyone, and smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I will." She grabbed a piece of bread and took a bite, already backing out of the room. "I'm sorry, I'll be a better dinner guest next time." Poe offered her a small, but still very unconvinced half smile and nodded, before Rey slipped out of the room and started the long walk back to her quarters.

They were on another planet literally in the middle of nowhere. It was safer there. Only a select few knew where she was, and Chewie stayed behind at his own insistence, to try and watch out for her. Even still, she made sure her cabin was far away from his. The planet they resided on was small, much like the one where Luke hid himself away, but more tropical. When it wasn't raining, her days were humid and made her sweat so much that it might as well have been raining anyway. She spent her days training as best she could, trying to center her mind. It could get rather boring, and to be honest, a little overwhelming. She had so much weight on her shoulders, and felt completely useless most of the time. She couldn't help her friends, and she couldn't help her...What even _was_ he?

She brushed past the branches shielding her door from view and slipped inside her...well, cabin may not have been the best way to describe a room built under a tree. It was a decent size, and had it's own washing area, so she didn't have to bathe in a river or anything. There was just enough light coming from small tunnels close to the base of the tree to make waking up in the morning a little less depressing. In the low light of the sky, however, there was only a blue glow throughout the room, and a shiver ran through her. Quickly, she made a small fire in the pit that was placed at the center of the room and perched beside it a moment. He would be coming soon.

As the days passed, their connection grew stronger. Many times throughout the day, she felt as though she could reach out and touch him. Sometimes she felt something brush her hand or a ghost pain that did not belong to her. Other times, like earlier, she felt strong emotions that, again, were not her own. It was hard to tell sometimes. It was anger that she noticed the most. Sometimes intense sadness, but that one confused her, because she supposed it _could_ really be her's. Was it possible that they were both feeling it? Perhaps it was some kind of chain reaction.

Feeling the weight of her eyelids, she decided to slump next to the edge of the fire pit while waiting for the rest of the room to heat up.

With a jolt, Rey's eyes flew open. It was darker in the room now, and her eyes tried to adjust as her heartbeat quickened. He was here.

"Stand up."

Rey turned her head to see Ben, sitting on her modestly sized, makeshift bed...shirtless and looking freshly bathed. Her face flushed, as it always did when she saw him like this. He had quickly noticed that he could disarm her this way. Sometimes he was almost playful about it, allowing Rey to see a glimpse of a boyish charm from another life. Other times...like now, he was scolding her, eyes dark. Studying the serious expression on his face, she decided it was not the time to joke.

"I was trying to get warm, I thought the best place for that would be closest to the fire." She defended herself, lamely. Barely quirking an eyebrow, and not breaking eye contact, he lifted the heavy blanket resting on her bed. Her face flushed. "I was tired."

"Clearly." He responded, not missing a beat. His voice was barely audible next, but still held a calm authority. "Stand up. Let me see you." Feeling a spark of indignation explode in her chest, she contemplated remaining on the floor, and he must have felt it, since he raised his chin in an almost challenging expression. Rey held back a sigh, not wanting to start off the night in an argument so soon. Slowly, she stood, allowing him to see her, still in her normal training clothes.

"Happy?" She asked, after a few too many moments of him inspecting her. It made her uncomfortable, like he could see beneath her clothes or something. Then again, she his eyes could always make her feel bare, as if she could hide nothing.

"You're losing weight."

"I'm...training a lot."

"You're not gaining muscle mass, which means you're not eating." His eyes held his carefully controlled anger as he waited for her response. It took her a moment too long to come up with a response, and he stood, suddenly making the room feel so much smaller. She quickly held up a hand to stop him, and he did, but she knew it wouldn't stop him for long.

"It's not good to eat when you're stressed out." Rey held his gaze, both of them having a silent battle of wills. Finally, he responded.

"You wouldn't be so stressed out if you were with me." Rey's eyes almost bugged out of her head.

"Are you _serious_? Is that going to be your argument now? I won't be stressed out while you're murdering all of my friends, _and_ your mother?"

"I have _explained_ this to you." He said, closing the distance between them. She quickly stepped back, so that she didn't have to tilt her head up to meet his eyes. She knew where that would lead, as it did every time he got so close.

" _And I have explained this to you._ " She kept her voice low, though she was far away from Poe and Chewie. She was always afraid that someone would overhear her, and her complicated relationship with this man would be exposed before she could figure out how to defend it. "It doesn't have to be that way." Clenching his teeth, he stared at her, eyes smoldering, in silence. Without permission, her eyes dipped to his exposed chest, the light of the flames appearing to lick his stomach, something that she wished she could – she blinked, breaking eye contact as an increasingly familiar bolt of desire shocked her deep in her belly. Rey blushed and turned away, knowing that he had felt it, as he always did any time her mind wandered to such thoughts. It really was embarrassing. She had spent many hours by this point trying to deny what was between them. It frustrated Ben to no end. After another long, quiet moment, she glanced at him to find him looking at her in a rather predatory manner.

"Who touched you?" His voice was low, the jealousy seeping into each word. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, and she felt the room grow thicker with his anger.

"It wasn't like that, Ben." Before she knew it, he was towering over her again.

" _Who?_ "

" _Why_ does it matter?" She snapped, eyes daring him to continue this ridiculous path of conversation. They _should_ be continuing their never ending battle of wills, not asking who touched her hand.

"No one touches you." That's when she saw the mad jealousy in his eyes and she took another half step back.

"It was in a _friendly_ way, Ben, it's not like he _kissed_ me." He crowded her again with that statement, eyes blazing. She held her hands up, and he stopped, the bare flesh of his chest so close to her fingertips that she felt the warmth of him, though she knew that he was not truly there. Brain dipping briefly into more lewd thoughts, she grabbed onto his feelings of anger and glared up at him. "Why are you being like this?" He stared into her eyes in that soul devouring way he was prone to, and she felt her mind begin to dance with his. She couldn't explain the feeling if she tried, it was as if their minds were entangled, swirling around each other. As though they were one – it made it difficult for her to come back to her own senses. With gentleness that always surprised her, he raised his hands, much larger than hers, and closed the gap between her own hands and the soft skin of his stomach.

Rey gasped quietly, as she felt him for the first time. She had wanted to do this since the first time she saw him bare chested, to be honest, she spent many nights dreaming about it. Her eyes finally broke from his as she watched her fingertips brush lightly down his stomach, tracing the muscles there. She drank in every scar, every burn, every freckle. She couldn't get enough. When she felt that pull of desire in her belly, she forced herself to turn away, and break that spell he so easily placed upon her. She turned her back to him, and immediately felt herself pulled back against him, his warm breath in her ear, the smell of him overwhelming her. Her head fell back involuntarily, to rest against one of his broad shoulders. He held her to him, and she nearly wept at the emotion radiating in the room. Sadness, jealousy, hopefulness, anger, _desire_. They all felt like they were strangling her, and she could do nothing but hold onto the arms wrapped around her.

" _Ben_." She choked out, sounding half in protest and half embarrassingly aroused. Her face flushed and she felt him begin to harden against her.

"I want you to choose me." The shock of that statement, whispered quietly in her ear, exploded in her chest and she tried to jerk away from him, only to have that fail as she brushed back against the growing bulge in his pants. His breathing was heavy in her ear as he attempted to restrain himself. "Choose this. Choose us, what we have." His voice sounded like a sweet song in her ear as his hot breath ghosted down her neck. Another bolt of lust shot straight through her, and she felt herself grow wet as she lost herself and let her hands drop down to his thighs, grinding her backside into his hard on. He groaned and nipped at her earlobe. "Tell me."

"I _can't_ turn on the Resistance, Ben." Rey's voice sounded like a half-mad whine as she continued to fight the losing battle of giving into her lust. His hips bucked against her ass and she stifled a groan as she pressed against him, hands reaching back above her head to thread her fingers into his silky hair.

"No." He whispered, words softer now. "Tell me." Her mind slowly began to work out what he meant as his fingers ghosted across her stomach, brushing just beneath the waistband of her trousers. "Tell me you want this, Rey." She felt a ghost of a kiss on her bare shoulder. "Tell me you want me." Her heart squeezed in her chest and she felt tears start to sting her eyes at the quiet pain in his voice. "Tell me you're mine."

Suddenly the lust filled fog started to fade around the room as her mind began to work out what was truly going on here. They kept playing this game, constantly arguing with each other, never able to see the other one's side. Between that, somehow, they had teased each other, with kisses and touches, quiet bribes to win each other over. But when would it _end?_ The thought wracked her already exhausted brain, and she felt as though her chest caved in as she doubled over, a quiet sob escaping her as she covered her face to hide herself. She wasn't sure what to expect of him in this moment, but she still couldn't hide her surprise when he carefully turned her in his arms, holding her close, one hand around her waist and the other buried in her hair. Rey sobbed against him for what felt like forever, knowing he was not really there, but knowing he _was_ in a way that was important. His mind was there. His _heart_ was there. And that was what she truly wanted.

After a long silence, she stilled and looked up at him, face streaked with tears, while her eyes remained focused, determined, and _desperate_. "You are _all_ that I have wanted, Ben." His careful expression heated. His eyes were fixed on her, as though she were something else, something divine. It burned a fire in her heart. "You are all that I have _ever_ wanted. I know that now." More tears spilled over with the emotion of her declaration, and she felt his hands touch her face, doing his best to wipe them away. "But I _can't_ keep doing this. I need you _here_." She gripped the waistband of his pants, pulling him even closer to her. "Come to me, Ben." Her hand reached out to cup his cheek and she stood up on her toes to bring her face closer to his. "Just you. _Please._ " More tears spilled down her cheeks. "We'll figure everything else out...but the way things are going, I just...I feel like I am not _whole_. Or like I'm being torn in two. I _do_ want you, and I _am_ yours, body and soul, but I need you _with_ me."

Ben was still, though his eyes still burned. A great conflict was fighting in his mind, and she could feel it in her own. His hands slid down to her arms and gripped her tightly. She felt as though she couldn't breathe. What if he didn't accept this? What if they had to continue to do these nightly meetings, after she had just laid it all out there? She felt her face grow hot from embarrassment, but she couldn't turn away. She kept her eyes on his. She would see this to the end. At last, he spoke, and the mix of pain and hope in his voice broke her heart for the millionth time that night.

"Do you mean it?"

" _Yes_ , Ben." She sighed, not realizing that she had been holding her breath. A brief moment of disbelief and suspicion flashed in his eyes and she shook her head. "You know that you can trust what I am saying, I haven't hid _anything_ from you."

"Say it again." The words slipped from his full lips so quickly, she wasn't sure that he meant to say them.

"I _need_ you...Ben." Though his hands still gripped her arms tightly, she leaned closer to him, never breaking eye contact. "Come to me. Please." He stood, still as a statue, watching her. She let her feelings for him radiate through her whole body, sure that he would feel it through their connection, no matter how far away he truly was. Suddenly he crushed her lips to his, a mess of teeth and tongues as she thread her fingers through his dark hair, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. His bruising kiss turned sweet until he pulled away, just far enough so that they could catch their breath.

"I'll leave as soon as I can." Rey's eyes widened.

"Really?" He nodded once, eyes fixed on her's and a small panic gripped her chest. "How will you get away?"

"I will find a way." His hands gripped the bottom of her shirt and he glanced down at them. "I will be with you as soon as I can, Rey." He rested his forehead against her's and closed his eyes. "I have to go now." He must have felt another pang of panic stab her chest as his eyes flew open to meet her's. "I will be with you soon." Ben assured her, then pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. As he pulled back, their eyes connected again. A quiet moment passed between the two. "I need you too, Rey."

Her breath released in a small puff, relieved and thrilled at the same time. Her hands found his and squeezed. She smiled and nodded.

"I'll be waiting."

She could've sworn that she had seen a small smile on his handsome, haunted face before he faded from her. Now truly alone in the dim light of her quarters, she allowed herself to slowly slump onto her bed. Her skin buzzed where she still felt his touches, and she brought her fingers up to trace her lips. She wondered what it would really feel like to have him kissing her. How it would feel to run her hands through his hair...how he would feel on top of her, and beneath her, a solid warmth. She blushed and felt that all too familiar ache in her chest, the absence of him.

But that absence would end soon. Not soon enough, but soon. She could feel it.

Hey guuuuuys! Long time, no write! (Don't kill me, if any of you actually still remember me)  
I feel very rusty, and I cranked this out in about a night, so I'm kicking off the cobwebs. I have a few more Reylo ideas, that have been lit on FIRE BY TLJ? How did you guys like it? Do you feel vindicated? I feel vindicated. I'm so happy about our little junk rat and emo boy not being related. Let's just hope they don't do a weird Luke/Leia thing and have it turn out to be incest anyway.

Also...can I just say about the bridge thing – TOTALLY CALLED IT. Okay, I know I probably wasn't alone here, but I was literally swatting at my friend in the theater like "MY FICS COME TO LIIIFE." But the movie version had a lot less, uh...actual sex. Only a lot of eye sex, and the precious fingertip touches. Anyway, enough with the rambling. I hope to hear from you with a review/comment, and I hope to write more soon. Thanks for reading!


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